Public Warning - They're in the Walls!

Annoying graphic, isn't it? If you're reading this, get a life!

Mewtals are evil creatures which inhabit the walls of all human buildings. Fear the mewtals for they *will* steal your babies!
Read on to learn more about the mysterious little sods, and be sure to take heed, lest we never be rid of their damned, scaly hides!


Proof of Mewtal Existence

For the cynical, irrefutable proof may be found in the form of this statement by eminent professor of zoology Dr. Mike Rotch, pictured below, who when interviewed made the following comment:

Grrr! I'm a doctor!

"The mewtals are dirty little bastards and they *will* take your babies! Just see if they don't! Why else do you think I keep m'shootin' iron tucked in m'crotch?"


Mewtal Classification


The Squirrel Type

sound : Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
habitiat : walls
favourite colour : mauve

Arrr matey!

Mr. Monobollick, council resident (pictured left) describes his encounter with the squirrel type:

"Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupp! He war a powerful fierce critter'd take d'hand 'nall off ya."




The Sherbet Fountain Type

sound : Ffffffffffffffffft
habitiat : walls
star sign : Cancer

'Sup Holmes?

Mr Haughsyer Tits, slum co-ordinator of BallyBeg, Waterford, Ireland (pictured left), recounts his experiences with sherbet fountain type mewtals.

"It nicked me baby the dirty feckless bastard. Somethin's gotta be done!"



-= invisible =-

The Wind Type

sound : None
habitiat : walls and glass
birth stone : sapphire


Combatting Mewtal Infestation


Be so sure in your conviction that mewtals don't exist that the mewtals themselves doubt their very existance and vanish in a puff of asparagus. However, be warned that this is ineffectual against the squirrel type!




It is also possible to lure the mewtal to its death in the following manner. Make a box and place a tiny tears doll in it, as shown in the diagram.

Leave near a wall and once the mewtal becomes trapped in the effective mewtal-loop formed by the 6 walls of the box, BURN it. Be warned, though, that this is ineffectual against the wind type!




As always, we here at the Mewtal Combat League urge you to act responsibly and to take every precaution when exterminating mewtals. Remember kids, firearms are deadly, even in the hands of your bosom chums, as this poor fellow learned to his cost.


The Ultimate Solution

The only way to be completely free of the mewtals is to form a Utopian society free of walls.
{no doubt Pink Floyd would agree*}











*please don't kill me