Bob
The God of Cheap Lemonade

The Eternal Flame of Bob     All Hail Bob!     The Not-Quite as Eternal as the Other Flame of Bob

PIEU BOB DOMINE, DONNA EIS LEMONADE VILLIS
HOLY LORD BOB, GRANT US LEMONADE

Welcome all ye agnostics and atheists who long for a god both holy and hilarious. To ye I present my deity...

 

The Commandments of Bob

I

Thou shalt not believe in Bob or any other god

II

Thou shalt live a life as slothful as possible

III

Thou shalt drink cheap carbonated beverages at every opportunity

IV

Thou shalt not pray to Bob, but worship him in your consumption of cheap lemonade

V

Thou shalt spread the Word of Bob

 

The Feast of Bob
A sumptuous feast of cheap lemonade and the 4 sacred liquorices is to be consumed on the third Monday after February 29th. The 4 sacred liquorice flavours are:
- the plain liquorice of Bondoflog (symbolising sloth)
- the cherry liquorice of Sasquatch (symbolising apathy)
- the green liquorice of Herberfen (symbolising agnosticism)
- the cola liquorice of Piphlum (symbolising cynicism)

 

The Curse of Bob
"To all ye unfaithful I bestow a mortal terror, not of chives, but of the soil in which they grow. Know ye now my wrath, know ye now my power."
Book of Bob, Anger 1:1-5

 

The Paradox of Faith
The first commandment may seem strange, but remember that though you may be a devoted follower of BOB, he does not actually exist - this is a cult for agnostics and atheists and so it cannot have a god - BOB is merely a figurehead.The beliefs of BOB are sacred, as is his gift to us in the form of cheap lemonade, but as a deity he simply does not exist.
"What then is the purpose of this religion?!", I hear you cry in dismay. Think of it more as an exclusive club for us dapper, interesting sorts.

 

What would Bob do?
In times of strife, when you are faced with difficult conundrums, instead of the more usual resort of twittering in sheer bafflement, I urge you instead to consider what Bob would do.
Usually, this would consist of muttering "Fuck it!" and sloping off for a smoke.

 

If you wish to become a minister of The Cult of Bob, and participate in our bi-annual Dance of The Lemon just log on to Gateway ( HERE ) and ask me...